4th Feb.

I miss the feeling of love, i'm missing it so much that i could cry for no reason. Maybe what Qiang said is true. To put it in a nice way, my life belongs to love, or should i say i'm addicted to love? The feeling of being rejected, the feeling of losing your love one to someone else, the feeling of loving someone without her knowing, the feeling of not wanting to trust love anymore, the feeling of giving up, the feeling of not having, the feeling of being lonely, the feeling of being single when people around you are in love. I sound sick, but i rather be hurt by love than to be living my life alone. Not having someone to care about, not having someone to love. I miss being a slave.

15th Dec.

That striking resemblance, that combinations of her innocent eyes and angelistic smile. Am i undergoing a period where God wants me to reminisce about that person who i used to throw all my feelings into? She just draws me to her naturally. But i felt she's too high up....

9th Dec

A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO YOU MR ANG! Due to your compliments to the boss, i'd lost the chance of getting into the kitchen. I felt like shit, i still remember my very first day at work. Since that day i worked heartfully, slogged like a cow, just to have a chance to go into kitchen. And when i'm only 1 week away from getting in, YOU SPOILT EVERYTHING! All the hopes of learning culinary were destroyed by your lies to the boss. You enjoy seeing me suffer? Well, congrats for making me suffer now. My everything....................

11th Nov.

I realised my life is very wrong. God always give me surprises, both good and bad. I like the GOODs, but not as much as i hate the BADs. FUCKED UP is the only thing i can hear in my mind and heart. What's next for me? Bring it all on to me God, please. I don't wanna have such feelings, might as well give all the BADs at one shot.

22nd Oct.

Firstly i must say, I HATE SOME JAPANESE AND CHINESE THAT ARE KILLING TWO OF MY FAVOURITE KINDS OF ANIMALS JUST TO EARN SOME SMALL AMOUNT OF CASH!
Japanese are killing dolphins, while Chinese are killing dogs. What the fuck is wrong with them?!



Moving back, Justin replied my letter. So nonsensical, seems to me i cant keep my promise afterall. Promise to fetch him when he discharge but without a liscense for either bike or car, how the heck am i supose to do that? Cab is my only choice left. >.<

Work. Just when i told myself that i'd to forgive that person since i'm used to doing it, he's touching on my boiling point again. What now? Go around telling colleagues i'm slacking during work? C'mon get a life friend! That's my way of working, i like to take it slow during the lunch shift, what for rush and drain my energy, leaving me with not much left for the night? For working there longer than me, you should know that most of the customers come only at night. Its for the managers to judge, not for you to comment. I might be new in this company, but experience wise, i win you hands down man. Unhappy that one of the managers side me? Too bad, why don't you bootlick the other one? Afterall that's one of the best skills of yours inside your arsenal isn't it? Look in the mirror, ask yourself how old are you? Grow up boy, grow up!

11th Oct.

I'm back as i've promised!

Lets start off with school. Finally written works are over!!!!!!! Exams results are out, didn't expect myself to get 2 A's for both core modules, but then again, WHY DID MY BLOODY GPA INCREASE ONLY BY 0.1?!?!?!?! Orh well, how am i suppose to get into poly with this? Having a GPA of 3 couldn't really get me into poly.

Moving on to work, first week of work is over. Great place, great colleagues, what more could i ask for? Thanks Jimmy (Manager), for teaching me so well, Chip (Mentor/Supervisor) for helping out, Marecon (Ateh) and Drew (Kunyak) for treating me so nice, as well as the whole kitchen. Arhh, the kitchen, a place i dreamt of working since young. Isn't it a very blissful sight of watching your loved ones eating the dishes you cooked? That's what attracted me, the beauty of culinary~~~

Friend. I'm utterly disppointed with your actions, you always claimed that i'm one of your best friends. Being the soft-hearted me, i always try to give in to your requests, always trying to be there for you, share my secrets with you, there's even once when i put you in the same league with Qiang, Long, Justin, and Ah Liu. What do i have to say? 4 of them frequently reminds me of your bad characters, your fucked up personality. In the end, i refused to heed their advices, their concerns, and remains to befriend you. What do i get in return? Betrayer betrayer, and more betrayer. So many years have passed, you are still you. Never once did you change, not for others, but for yourself. Speaking about you, i'm currently still in another realm, still unwilling to face the reality, the fact that you actually treat me this way when the job you're having now is all due to me. Think about it, getting $1800++ by being a full time waiter, what more could you ask in this line? And this is how you repay my kindness, smacking me down whenever you had a chance. No point listing out what have you done, that would just ruin my mood. Long told me to smack you down. Being the person i am, i don't see why i couldn't. Talking about mind games, till this day not many outwitted me in it, and i don't see why you can. But i would just use my actions to prove your words, your doings, WRONG! I'm pretty sure with a whole arsenal of tricks behind me, i could just fucked your life up, but i choose not. Time and time again i've given you chances. This time round, its time for me to erupt. At the end of this, don't come and say that i've been a fucked up person, you force it, and you bloody deserve it!

And to Ann, if you're reading this, i never once forgot about the birthday present i promised but everyday i'm working, basically there's not much space left for breathing. Be patient alright?

7th Oct.

I know this blog of mine is rotting, but i will promise to update it by Sunday. Gonna post on almost everything soon!